as measures of emotion and interest. Its also very annoying that the amendments to the law have not look at these type of men, its all focused on fathers who are denied access to their children, no one seems to want to tackle the reams of men who believe they can just ignore the children they created. I feel guilty for lying but i am protecting my sons feelings and i guess my own. If your son’s father doesn’t want to be involved, there is nothing you can do to persuade him to do so. I don't really have any male family members other than my dad (who is a big feature in his life) and a few male friends, but I consider these to be positive role models for him. However much he argued with me I always let him see the kids. The law really needs to change on parental responsibility or the lack of it! My LO dad was in and out of her life randomly for the first 18months. She also has a big brother of 13 who's fantastic with her. However much he argued with me I always let him see the kids. Get Legal Help with Your Questions About Fathers' Rights and Abortion He also just had a one year old baby with another' casual ' relashionship and recognised the little one as his own. This can help him feel more involved, as well as helping to inform him about what kind of things the new baby may or may not be able to be around when he or she gets here. It is possible to get around most situations and as long as she's happy its all good. What else can you say?! I have had no ends of issues with 'parental responsibility' and 'consent' and have been told its unlikely that even a court will remove it so yet again his details will be registered along with mine as equal legal standing when he begins school, Im just hoping that the school do not need his consent as well as mine for things as yet again its my son that will miss out. If a pregnant woman decides to have the baby, even if the father did not want the child, the father is not exempt from providing child support for the child. If so how did you support and help them through this? So to answer the question i think my kids are absolutely fine even though they have hardly any input from their dad. I have since met someone else and have been together for 8 years and we have two children together and it was only after the birth of my third child that my ex showed up for our older daughters birthday but i was in hospital and my current partner wouldn't let him in as he had never met him before. Did your children ask why other children have dads at home and they don't? My daughter's father hasn't been involved from day 1, he's seen her twice, last being July 2011 (she's 20 months old now). and i just dont want her to hate me over this! I just say to her that's how daddy is and sorry but I can't change how he is when he has them. Hi, my beautiful daughter 4yrs has a father that is so busy being new daddy and step daddy he's forgotten she exists! Subscribe to Mumsnet emails direct to your inbox. x, Chat to other single parents here about the joys and challenges of single-parent life. How long have you been together for? How did you explain this to your children? Again, my son does seem to want male attention more than female, for e.g when we're at parties he will always gravitate towards the dads there. I'm so glad this question has been asked! I do not keep anything from her, I talk about other peoples daddies etc she knows she should have a dad, I have kept photos of him and stuff, only once she has ever asked where her dad is. “She was not interested in baby … You will still be able to claim maintenance through the CSA. He did ask questions about why his dad didn't come anymore. He's not been in her life for nearly 2yrs now. This time we are looking at what happens if your child's father doesn't want much or any contact with the children. It's a fact you can't turn your back on. Research shows that a small but significant percentage of custodial parents have informal agreements not involving court orders. ... loosely because he doesn’t really do much except play video games and still when it’s time for me to be off the dad doesn’t want me to go till his wife is home and he gets mad at the kids within 5 minutes of being with them. Hes very aware that he hasnt got a dad as he sees all the dads at his nursery getting involved with their kids and wonders why he's different, so far Ive got away with saying I dont know why he doesnt want to see him but I know this wont last forever. My son is 5 years old and saw his dad on and off for the first 3 and a half years of his life. :-), Hi, my beautiful daughter 4yrs has a father that is so busy being new daddy and step daddy he's forgotten she exists! Not had a single penny from him either, none of his family ever bothered. Many women want to have children even if the father of the child is not involved, so that explains why they have children. I can relate to so many of these stories, my son is only 2 and has had no interaction with his father that he will remember, I dread the day when he start asking questions. Fathers are happier and derive more meaning from everyday activities than men without children. When we split up he saw the children on a weekly basis overnight but then it turned out his mother was having them whilst he went out so i put a stop to it altogether but then he got solicitors involved and we had mediation councelling and i was ordered to let the have supervised visits with the children until i trusted he could have them alone, i t went well for a while but then he wouldn't turn up on the days arranged and the kids were ready and then eventually he stopped coming. In this case, you might want to ask the father of your baby to help out by baby proofing the home the two of you share. Not him. Paternity is the legal recognition that a man is a child's father. :), Hi It takes equal parts mother and father to make a baby, and it takes EQUAL parts to raise one. He didn't really bother that much with them when he was here and even less now. We are looking for some help putting to gather some advice for mums going through separation and divorce. States have varying rules on this so check with a … You cannot prevent or physically restrain the mother if she seeks an abortion, nor can you force the mother to get an abortion if she does not want one. I simply say, your dad thinks its the best thing for everyone if he doesn't visit anymore. https://www.netmums.com/coffeehouse/being-mum-794/single-parents-45/817071-what-do-when-your-childs-dad-doesnt-want-involved.html#post8239033, https://www.netmums.com/coffeehouse/being-mum-794/single-parents-45/817071-what-do-when-your-childs-dad-doesnt-want-involved.html#post8231524. I am surrounded by family and friends who provide support and i dont necessary feel my child is missing out. I have never bad mouthed his father and have no problem in talking about him as I know one day I will have to explain why he is not here, a day I dread. Hi, I read this and related to it straight away. I am lucky she is such a clever little thing and realises that her Grandad (my dad) is what a true man should be. Do you have any other advice to share with other mums? He has no phone so I can't contact him. His girlfriend seems to stop him shouting as much now. You won't be able to list him on the birth certificate if you aren't married unless he goes with you to do it. i have been split from x husband now for 11 years and in that time he has only bothered with our 2 children a handful of times. true that the baby needs father's love but it doesn't have to be her real father you know. Or at the very least our children to have to loving parents but in reality some dads only want things that are a benefit to them x, https://www.netmums.com/coffeehouse/being-mum-794/single-parents-45/817071-what-do-when-your-childs-dad-doesnt-want-involved.html#post8218644, Pregnant and the father does not want to be involved. Did they face any teasing? In general, if an unmarried mother does not want the father to visit with the child, the mom should be aware that a father may sue for visitation rights or child custody rights. So I stopped doing all the work for him realising the kids just have to get used that they only see him once a week. His father lives very close by but has never had the decency to even ask how he is, even when hes had to get in touch with me to pay off arrears for court. Fathering has a lot to offer a man. Formally acknowledging paternity is a huge commitment and opens the door to him being responsible for the child financially, as well. when he was younger he would talk of his father as a character in a story, he was an adventurer, an explorer sometimes a builder or a policeman, if my son admired a car, his 'Dad' would always have one, same with any toy my son coveted.When he was upset at being told off he would cry for his father and i would tell him he was not here and that would suffice. How did you explain this to them and try to reassure them? So I had to go through a break up and find out I am pregnant with my first baby . I'm a strong believer that two parents are better than one. It's a ridiculous double standard. Generally, adoption requires the consent of both parents, provided they meet certain requirements.To gain parental rights, including the right to object to adoption, biological fathers unmarried to the mother must not only establish paternity, but also demonstrate a commitment to … If your baby’s father fits into this category, let him know you appreciate his support and embrace the opportunity to work together through the adoption process. So I stopped doing all the work for him realising the kids just have to get used that they only see him once a week. But all of a sudden out of the blue i get a solicitors letter the other day saying he wants to have regular  visiting rights to the children after all this time (5 years) and the solicitor's letter was full of lies too. I really dont want to bad mouth him but then again, I cant bring myself to lie for him and in a way justify his shocking behaviour. Did you try to make sure your children have other male role models in their life? I hate when we're out and she see's someone that looks like him and she shouts daddy. Its heartbreaking for my son having to grow up and learn that this man just ignores him, I hope in time I do find someone that deserves his affections and can act as a good role model but at present hes a happy loving little boy who all in all it doesn't seem to effect. I always said he would have one chance by the time I walked home he rung asking if we could meet up and talk about possibly allowing him to see her, I said yes, so we arranged a day and time for a week later. But all of a sudden out of the blue i get a solicitors letter the other day saying he wants to have regular visiting rights to the children after all this time (5 years) and the solicitor's letter was full of lies too. He used to phone in the week but doesn't anymore. Hang on a minute ladies!!!!! I have told my son his father works away and therefore doesnt get the oppurtunity to visit, however, he lives and works across town. But I do beleive that no father is better than a damaging father, and the relationship my son had with his father was clearly becoming damaged, as evidenced by his behaviour. so eventually my oldest two got to see their dad again on a regular weekly basis until he didn't bother again and that was the last time we saw of him. This is still the case although quite rare now. About the laws, I'm not really sure how I feel about them. A void i have been unsuccessful in filling. The question. He goes to all her "fathers/carers" assemblies and functions at school and whenever I can't answer her questions then Grandad is the next port of call. The father is supportive, but not involved. Hes very aware that he hasnt got a dad as he sees all the dads at his nursery getting involved with their kids and wonders why he's different, so far Ive got away with saying I dont know why he doesnt want to see him but I know this wont last forever. how do I explain to my kids that dad doesn't want to see them? He also seems to gravitate towards men and has no real male role models in his life (my male family members live abroad) hes just constantly surrounded by women and it does worry me, especially seeing as hes very much a boys boy. My son's father refused any contact from the moment I was pregnant. I decided a long time ago that she's too special to be around people who resent her existence, and that it's better, much better, for her to be surrounded by people who love her. His dad was constantly letting him down, maiking promises he didn't keep, failing to show up, and actually only seeing him for a couple of hours a week if that. This is still the case although quite rare now. so eventually my oldest two got to see their dad again on a regular weekly basis until he didn't bother again and that was the last time we saw of him. The father doesn't want to know nothing about it as it was quite a casual relashionship for him. My children are now 15 and 13 and don't want to know him as they remember him not turning up and the unfair birthday cards etc but i have asked them to think about what they really want before legal proceedings occur if it gets that far. My daughter is almost 7 and he has never tried to make contact or bothered to see her nor have his family, despite him moving across the road from me when she was born, i would see him around and would try to talk to him but he would always turn away. My daughter is almost 7 and he has never tried to make contact or bothered to see her nor have his family, despite him moving across the road from me when she was born, i would see him around and would try to talk to him but he would always turn away. 15/09/2013 13:59 RoonilWazlibWuvsHermyown. I found these difficlut to answer, but was adamant I wouldn't bad mouth his dad as this would hurt him, but I also wanted to ensure he didn't blame himself, or me, for his dads decision. Just like I used to constantly tell him! I just hate the idea of him taking her away anywhere, he also has another child and when he looked after him he would just leave him with anyone even neighbours while he went out or to go to work. Hi can I ask why you allow your children to continue seeing their father if he shouts at them surely that's not a good experience for them to go through. Sherisha, I do not have the right to stop them seeing their dad. Silly me believed that! His father has no boundaries, doesn’t discipline and gives him anything he wants. I keep a very close eye on my children's emotional wellbeing and assure you they are absolutely fine. Its heartbreaking. Should she ever want to find her father I will always be honest but I would never stop her and would help as far as I could but I'm not working too much about it, she is a very well balanced child, hopefully she won't feel the need to find him but odds are she will. I have 21 days to reply to this ultimatum but my appointment isn't for another weeks time with a solicitor and i am worried sick as to what will happen for my childrens sake, can anyone else relate to my problem. My son also mde up fantasy stories about his dad being a policeman, superhero, having a sports car, going to Africa etc etc. I had bad post natal depression and i could accept that he didnt want her, nor could i cope being a single mother and i felt very resentful so when she was 2 I went to see him and said it was just to get answers.this is the only time he had seen my daughter properly. x. I was dumped by my Son's father when i was 3 months pregnant so i knew and prepared myself as best i could for being a lone parent. I don't see why a woman is entitled to have an abortion for any reason including the fact it is financially unattractive or might ruin her social life but men can be forced into parenthood and forced to hand over a huge chunk of their income to a child they never wanted. School etc. My daughter every week comes back saying daddys been shouting at me lots. Broken sunglasses -you're right, it's a popular opinion. The mere argument of not wanting a child or not expecting its birth is not an argument against having to support it, and there is no obligation on the part of the mother to have an abortion or support a child on her own whether the father wanted … So to answer the question i think my kids are absolutely fine even though they have hardly any input from their dad. I didn't even allude to the pregnancy having been unplanned, so comments about 'the consequences of having sex' have no relevance here. These aren’t just things he’ll enjoy doing, they’re things that will help him and baby … But fatherhood can also be a struggle. He hasnt seen her at all this year and refuses to have anything to do with her. In most states, the process for including his name is made easier if he can be present at the baby's birth and sign an Acknowledgment of Paternity form right there at the hospital. We are looking for some help putting to gather some advice for mums going through separation and divorce. My daughter's father hasn't been involved from day 1, he's seen her twice, last being July 2011 (she's 20 months old now). Again, my son does seem to want male attention more than female, for e.g when we're at parties he will always gravitate towards the dads there. But soon realised it was him that didn't make the effort. What are peoples views on it then? We dated for over 2 years, but when I got pregnant, he told me to get rid of it, so I did one better, and got rid of him. Hi ladies, My ex left me for another girl when I was 3months pregnant because he didn't want a baby, and had a new girlfriend the next day, hmm, his mother used to say he would come round to it when the baby was born, he never did, but little did I know she had been telling him he was too young and we would be fine on our own and he should leave us, she's a vile woman. If has 2 other older children from 2 other women. Other than that she's just like any other happy, balanced child. If this has happened to you: I am about to have a baby anytime now, and the father is not involved. I was in a relationship with the father of this u born baby I am 4 months now  and when I told him he said for me to leave him alone and he doesn’t want it . Its heartbreaking. Do you invite your ex to child's birthday parties. Brokensunglasses is correct in saying that it sounds as though you won't be able to name him on the birth certificate anyhow. He has the right to see the child and legally can persue this. They are 6 and nearly 3. His dad was constantly letting him down, maiking promises he didn't keep, failing to show up, and actually only seeing him for a couple of hours a week if that. From how to successfully juggle co-parenting to contact weekends, child maintenance payments, and every other aspect. As Father’s Day approaches, it may be time to rethink the question of a father’s rights and responsibilities, to take some of our most cherished and unexamined slogans and see if they are fair. Baby's Grandmother wants to be involved, but dad doesn't! And being a mother is really tiring and you probably don't have any time for dating or meeting new people but just don't say to yourself you're not aloud to have a partner just because you have a daughter, that's completely wrong. They are 6 and nearly 3. I guess our situation is easier than if he was involved and then decided to up and leave, as she doesn't know any different. They have just learnt to accept that's how he is. He did ask questions about why his dad didn't come anymore. My son is five now and rarely mentions not having a dad anymore. I met a 25-year-old guy about a year ago. I can relate to so many of these stories, my son is only 2 and has had no interaction with his father that he will remember, I dread the day when he start asking questions. did you never have a discussion about babies etc before you fell pregnant? x. I was dumped by my Son's father when i was 3 months pregnant so i knew and prepared myself as best i could for being a lone parent. But I do beleive that no father is better than a damaging father, and the relationship my son had with his father was clearly becoming damaged, as evidenced by his behaviour. Regardless of whether his name can or cannot go on the bc, which it cannot without him being there, you cannot exclude his name to prevent him from ever seeing the child. But when pursuing these interests and goals make for a huge sacrifice in time and resources spent on the family, things can go stale really quickly. It breaks my heart, although it amazes me that she even remembers what he looks like! She's bitter about him not seeing her or sending birthday cards but i think that's natural. I don't really have any male family members other than my dad (who is a big feature in his life) and a few male friends, but I consider these to be positive role models for him. I know he shouts but that is not enough grounds to stop him seeing them. What else can you say?! So fathers who want custody of the child need to retain a family law attorney and start the legal process to establish custody. I guess our situation is easier than if he was involved and then decided to up and leave, as she doesn't know any different. Team Netmums. Generally, it is hard for separated fathers to get involved with infants and this does require a lot of support and facilitation. Not him. My son also mde up fantasy stories about his dad being a policeman, superhero, having a sports car, going to Africa etc etc. And I have very much got used to not having to always be amicable to him when he phones them! Your only role in the abortion process is that of an adviser. Lol! My daughter's father hasn't been involved from day 1, he's seen her twice, last being July 2011 (she's 20 months old now). It is possible to get around most situations and as long as she's happy its all good. How do I tell my 4 year old his dad doesn't want to see him anymore? That's a risk he took. Instead, give him a fun activity, like singing baby a lullaby or giving baby a bath. Sorry for assuming it was unplanned and that he didn't want it from the beginning! In my opinion, it doesn't seem logical to have a child with someone who doesn't want to be involved. I don't know how I'll handle it in the future, but her quality of life isnt any worse for him not being involved. Guess what i'm saying is maybe we should be careful what we wish for, we all want the perfect family. If you cannot do without his contribution, then you need to go through the CSA. In most cases, unless the mother is clearly unfit, the father will want to petition for joint or shared custody, or he may want to allow the mother … That’s something you can work with and overcome together. As single mum i cant afford to turn down that kind of money, and i would like her to know who her dad is. My daughter truly is wonderful, she's sweet, kind, polite, and intelligent and judging by some things I have heard since about him and his mother (some extremely shocking) I don't think she would be the delightful child she is today if they had been involved, they really are a screwed up family and my child looks to my father as her father and he adores her. Parenting Is Difficult. so she doesnt hate you! Many Thanks Hi, I read this and related to it straight away. Silly me believed that! The night before we were supposed to meet he text saying he couldn't do it, by the next day he had up and moved to England with his mother and I have never seen or heard from him since! School etc. He doesn't see them at all and always said throughout our 12yrs together that their mums would never let him see them. You won't be able to list him on the birth certificate if you aren't married unless he goes with you to do it. I guess it made us closer really being just us and she's never missed out on anything. i have been split from x husband now for 11 years and in that time he has only bothered with our 2 children a handful of times. And I have very much got used to not having to always be amicable to him when he phones them! Eventually he stopped coming altogether. We would love you to share it with us here to help others going through the same situation. I'm pregnant, alone and the dad doesn't want to know. She “put me on notice,” Ms. Connors said. sorry its just my little girl is two years old and her dad has never ever seen her! So apart from having them one day each week he has no involvement in their everyday life. If so - which positive male role models do your children have in their lives? 9 Invite Him to Attend Childbirth Classes Of course, having interests and goals other than baby and the relationship is perfectly fine. But to me He said he doesn't want nothing to do with the child and doesn't want his family to know.I think it's because of ethinc reason. In that case, a court will most likely offer a father some form of visitation, barring a father's potential dangerous past. My children are now 15 and 13 and don't want to know him as they remember him not turning up and the unfair birthday cards etc but i have asked them to think about what they really want before legal proceedings occur if it gets that far. hmm.... controversial but I'm pretty sure you can actively give up your parental rights. 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